FOCUS online: Germans' happiness does not seem to be very good at the moment. Studies talk about a lack of trust. There is more depression than ever. She has written a book on “being happy” in which he examines the topic scientifically and gives people practical advice. Does it also have something like an appeal for society?

Alejandro Gedat: The individual is part of society, so that, of course, depends to some extent. But let's look at the big picture first. With all due respect, the federal government's policy is a catastrophe. I am not necessarily referring to a specific party, but rather to the attitude that we find almost universally among all actors.

What do you mean?

Saying: There is hardly anyone who stands up and exudes confidence. We only talk about worries and fears. How can something like a spirit of optimism be created on this basis?

Isn't it cynical to talk about a lack of optimism at this time, given the numerous crises?

Saying: I do not think so at all. But I know this way of thinking is common. An example: I would have liked to give my book the title “healthy selfishness.” The editor raised an objection. Selfishness is a very negative term. I guess the editors were right. A book like that would not have sold.

“Unfortunately here in Germany, low self-esteem is a fundamental problem”

How do you think selfishness and trust are related?

Saying: To me, healthy selfishness means someone sticking to their strengths. On the one hand, this creates a motivating force, while others are dragged along. But something else happens beyond that: when I focus on my strengths, I have enough energy to deal with my weaknesses as well. This can apply both to the individual and to an entire country. Unfortunately, low self-esteem is a fundamental problem here in Germany.

What do you mean exactly?

Saying: Well, who proudly stands up and says: I live in a great country. I like it here. There are so many benefits. All this is somehow not appropriate. That is a problem. Again: as long as we have a feeling of lack, we cannot really address the problems. Fear is not a good guide…

Is fear another basic problem besides lack of confidence?

Saying: But of course the term “German angst” is no coincidence. Wanting to control people through this feeling is very common among us. Look at schools and how they play on children's fears. Look at politics or some companies… I'm definitely speaking from my own experience here.

He was in the management of Marc O' Polo for 20 years, four of them as general director. What is the goal of his self-criticism? Looking back, do you see yourself as a bad boss?

Saying: Let me put it this way: I turned around just in time.

Through which?

Saying: I was with the company for about a year and did some training. I told my client about situations where I had had a bloody nose or two. Then he recommended 360-degree feedback.

“I thought it was really cool. But the others didn't believe it at all.”

How can you imagine that?

Saying: It is about the discrepancy between the image of oneself and the image of others. To obtain an external impression, employees were given complete questionnaires to fill out. When I saw the results, I almost dropped dead.

What's going on?

Saying: Bottom line: I thought it was really cool. But the others didn't believe it at all. An egoist would probably have reflexively resorted to self-protective mechanisms and offered a variety of reasons to justify himself. But selfishness and healthy selfishness are two different things. Looking back, I was at a turning point then. I started to question myself a lot and wanted to know everything I could about myself.

For example?

Saying: What drives me, what stops me? I took a closer look at some of the stages of my life. So I failed my Abitur in the first round. What made me want to come back then? Clearly: I heard words from people who believed in me.

What was the most important finding of the reflection process?

Saying: That I have to get my employees, like me, to develop their strengths much more. In the following years I worked according to the 80:20 rule. 80 percent of each individual's work time should revolve around positive development. For the remaining 20 percent, employees were able to address their weaknesses. 20 percent: everyone survives that.

Did the principle work?

Saying: And how. The employee surveys that followed spoke for themselves. Sales were also good; They tripled during my time. As a result, we have multiplied. The team had fun, I had fun, it was great.

“The recreational aspect of the show is neglected in our society”

The 80:20 formula seems simple, but it is certainly a difficult process to implement.

Saying: Believe me, it's actually as easy as it sounds. The secret is that people focus on areas they are good at.

But sometimes don't you have to overcome your inner weakness?

Saying: Sometimes yes. As I said, the general rule of thumb is that adjustments can be made at 20 percent and that can sometimes be tiring and tiring. But the other 80 percent should be something you enjoy doing.

Look, if you are a soccer player and you shoot well with your left, why should you desperately practice shooting with your right? If you score with your forehand in tennis, what do you want with your backhand?

The good thing is that motivation comes naturally when you consistently stick to your own strengths. Because what about the things you're usually good at?

What do you mean?

Saying: They like to do them. That's why you're so good at it. The recreational aspect of the show is neglected in our society. What excites me, where do I have something to give? We ask ourselves this very rarely.

Instead, we push ourselves to overcome something, follow questionable beliefs (“work first, pleasure second”), and some people punish themselves to achieve something that really doesn't suit them at all.

An example: My daughter is studying medicine. Most of her classmates have surprisingly homogeneous family backgrounds. The father is a lawyer, the mother is a doctor. Or: mother a lawyer, father a doctor. Something like that. Do you really think that most of these young people are passionate about medicine? I do not believe that. My suspicion: a large proportion have been “reconditioned” in this course of study.

This is what happens when “healthy selfishness” is frowned upon and people don't really have the opportunity to develop their own strengths.

“Maybe members of our government should do 360-degree feedback”

Do you really think we would have fewer fears, less disillusionment with politics, and more social cohesion if individuals focused more on their own needs?

Saying: I'm not the only one who believes that, I'm sure. I'll tell you in writing: if the 80:20 rule were widely applied, we would have virtually no more depression. What we lack are positive leaders. Maybe members of our government should do 360 degree feedback. As is well known, traffic light approval ratings are not good at all.

Similar to yours back then, do you think?

Saying: Perhaps parallels can be found there. I admit that it takes courage to change things, you have to really want to face it. But what are we waiting for? The situation in the country is dramatic.

On the other hand: it would be against my convictions to leave it like this. That's why I'm putting something off. Yes, the situation is dramatic. But it's up to us to improve it. Speaking for myself: I was only able to be happy through radical self-reflection.

Since when do you think you are in this state?

Saying: When I did the coaching in question I was 33 years old. Of course, happiness didn't come with the push of a button, it was a process. In fact, it's a bit like sport: the first points of satisfaction come quickly. In other words, when you decide to start running, you take surprisingly big steps from the start. The steps that follow are smaller. In return, the inner compass that shows you that you are on the right path becomes more and more stable.

I am now almost sixty years old and the direction I am going is completely clear. I love this life, I can say that I am at peace with myself, something I definitely wasn't in the first half of my life. But I didn't reach my destination. Even today I still do things to be happier. This process will probably never be completed.

“We constantly stare at deficits and then complain and complain”

Happiness guides are quite popular. In recent years alone there have been countless publications on the topic. Did I really need another book?

Saying: Honest Answer: I wrote this book mostly for myself. And not just last year either. I made the first notes for my manuscript in 1999. Yes, there are already numerous guides on the subject.

But I think there is a difference between talking to people with a psychologist or a coach. Or someone who is brutally open about his own path. Nowadays, I would perhaps approach one or two of the book's focuses a little differently. The social component seems increasingly important to me.

In his book he writes that we should actually be the happiest society that has ever existed on Earth. How do you arrive at this statement?

Saying: Let's open our eyes and notice everything we have. A world-leading healthcare system. A social system that compensates for social disadvantages. Food, education, security: all this is in abundance. Theoretically.

For me, the fact that resources do not arrive correctly depends on the basic problem mentioned: we constantly look at the deficits and then complain and complain. We don't try to promote bringing out the best in people. What's more: they even laugh at those who try to give constructive impulses.

Are you speaking from your own experience here?

Saying: I also experience this pattern from time to time. In the short term, it is easier to wallow in self-pity and remain a victim than to move forward. To strengthen their own position, those who think differently are called “selfish” in a derogatory way. In fact, I co-founded a foundation, I do volunteer work, and I also love being there for other people. Those closest to me have asked me several times if I would like to dedicate myself to politics.

AND

Saying: A clear no. Not as long as the parties only worry about themselves. And not in a healthy way. But like a know-it-all. We can see the result every day in the news: a completely dispassionate, ineffective and weak policy. That would be exactly the spirit that could change things in this country: enthusiasm.