Olaf Scholz is no longer the federal government's fax machine. The Chancellor is now on TikTok.
Olaf Scholz's faithful companion: his briefcase Photo: imago
I swear, I would never have thought it was possible to get excited about Olaf Scholz. Especially since government spokesperson Steffen Hebestreit announced earlier this week that the Chancellor would now provide “reliable information” about Tiktok. Instead, we get to know Olaf's black briefcase better. First lying on the office couch, then the Chancellor says that he has always had her and that she is “a loyal friend” to him.
(Attention, attention, this is the police speaking of gender language: Shouldn't it be “a faithful friend”?) Also: In another video we accompany the briefcase on the plane, in meetings and at events. By the way: Scholz claims that he answers all the questions himself because he is not an artificial intelligence. I believe it immediately, because the AI is a funny charlatan compared to the Chancellor.
I asked ChatGPT to write me a short Chancellor-style text about his briefcase: “So guys, this briefcase here isn't just a bag. No, no, this is my faithful companion, my mini office to go! She not only carries documents, but also the responsibility of an entire nation. Our relation? Inseparable!”
In this context, one would also wish that Vice Chancellor Robert Habeck would try artificial intelligence instead of adding text himself to his social media appearances. You should always learn something. And he goes like this: 1. I'm standing here in… blah blah. 2. I found myself here with… blah blah. 3. That means… blah blah. 5. Let me briefly explain… blah blah. 4. And in all this you can already breathe the spirit of…blabla.
Who doesn't secretly hope that Robert finally gets his briefcase? He has a brown one like the ones people liked to bring back from Greece in the '80s. ChatGPT has this suggested text: “So green office equipment friends, let me tell you about my briefcase. It's not just a container for papers, no, it's a mobile manifestation of my ecological ideals.
Made from recycled material, it carries the weight of my thoughts and ideas for a sustainable future. Their fans are like the branches of a tree and symbolize the growth of my thought. “With her by my side I feel like a wanderer in the forest of politics.” And good? That sounds a lot more like Robert Habeck than him, right?
What is also very nice about Scholz's appearance on Tiktok is that he does not try to imitate journalism, which has become increasingly popular in politics for years. Nowadays, “editorial teams” have been created everywhere, in party headquarters, but also in companies and even in authorities, which then distribute “news” instead of press releases. Anyone who has “colleagues” like journalists can also retrain.
Especially the extreme right has been reducing its contacts with the press to a minimum for years. It is even more surprising that Björn Höcke clashed this week on world television with Thuringia's top candidate, Mario Voigt. With presenter! And this also made it clear why he doesn't: too stupid to acknowledge quotes from his own book and too cowardly to defend his “remigration” proposal.
I once asked ChatGPT what Höcke probably carries in his briefcase: “A collection of old maps of his yesterday's borders, an alphabet book with right-wing rhymes and a tea light for his readings of dark Germany. Plus a photo of him to make sure he doesn't forget who he is.”
Although: as far as I'm concerned, Höcke could easily forget who he is. If one morning he woke up and thought that he was in charge of the state parliament of Thuringia, he would have rendered his country a true patriotic service.