Ein vertrautes Bild sehen wir bei der EM deutlich seltener: die Rudelbildung, bei der bis zu 22 aufgebrachte Spieler den Schiedsrichter einkreisen, um ihm in babylonischer Sprachvielfalt zu verklickern, dass das gerade ein Foul war (die einen) beziehungsweise dass es keineswegs ein Foul war (die anderen).
Es greift beim Turnier die neue Kapitänsregel: Nur noch die jeweiligen Mannschaftskapitäne dürfen jetzt mit dem Referee reden, allen anderen droht, wenn sie ihre Klappe nicht halten, die Gelbe Karte. Klare Hierarchie statt Anarchie – und womöglich ein Modell, das man auf andere Bereiche übertragen könnte. Ein paar Vorschläge.
Sie sind der Albtraum jedes Kellners: Die launige Gruppe aus mindestens zehn, zwölf Leuten, die beim Bestellen im Restaurant einfach nicht zu Potte kommen. Sandra will wissen, ob es das Risotto auch vegan gibt, Marc möchte plötzlich doch kein Weizen, sondern Gin Tonic, und den großen gemischten Salat will am Ende keiner bestellt haben. Damit ist jetzt Schluss: Fortan muss jede Gruppe einen Kapitän bestimmen, über den die gesamte Kommunikation mit dem Kellner zu laufen hat, einschließlich etwaiger Beschwerden („Meine Cola haben Sie vergessen?“).
The annoying trouble of settling the bill, which always leaves more than two bottles of water, is also no longer necessary, only the captain pays – and the others dutifully pay to his Paypal account. If word gets out about how much this reduces the service load, the labor shortage in the catering industry should soon end.
Only the best in the class speak in class
The teachers we have today also have a thankless job in primary schools facing a bustling, wildly chattering crowd. How much more pleasant and constructive the lessons would be if only Anne-Sophie, the best in the class, answered all the teacher's questions. When asked about the 64 roots, Paula, Mats, Murat and everyone else goes directly to Anne-Sophie, who relays her answers – and if she has a social attack, corrects them first.
In the end, everyone wins: Paula, Mats and Murat finally get a good grade in math, while Anne-Sophie and the teacher enjoy their cultured dialogue on a high intellectual level. Another advantage: teachers no longer have to remember the faces of all the names.
When you're stuck on the line forever
It's always the same: together Complaints HotlineWhether it's a train or telecommunications, you're stuck on the line forever. When you finally get through, you'll be on your nerves too – and you'll probably take on the poor call center person who also likes to yell back. And why all this? Because hundreds of people are calling at the same time. If all the disgruntled people appointed one of their own as captain instead, the leadership would always be free for him.
And since the captain and the call center person talk on the phone for hours every day, a relationship of trust develops between them that leaves no room for disagreements. The only thing that remains unclear is how exactly all customers can convey their complaints to the captain; Maybe a hotline could be set up for that.
Wolfgang Kubicki as the traffic light captain
Also Traffic light government could be much more successful if everyone didn't contradict each other and contradict each other. The elector, as a sovereign, would appreciate having only one point of contact. Chancellor Scholz would be perfect as a captain, but he's too quiet. His deputy Habeck was able to reason sensitively and eloquently with the people, but the angry citizens among them are foaming at the mouth when he just opens his mouth.
Traffic Light would work best if it made Wolfgang Kubicki the captain: he's from the coast, owns a motorboat – and would never shut up anyway. However, the traffic light should not expect captain Kubicki to stop insulting his own team.