A serious illness, a stroke – and suddenly your partner needs round-the-clock care. What happens to the relationship when the equal partnership disappears? And how do you go on anyway?

DThis text begins with two similar statements: “He was my great sparring partner,” is one; another: “We were a dream team for over 30 years.” Such statements describe what makes long partnerships fulfilling. Added to that is knowing that the other person won't let me down come what may.

The two women who wrote these sentences do not know each other. But they have one thing in common: they didn't leave their husbands. One, a doctor from Schleswig-Holstein and in his fifties, had to bury his husband about a year and a half ago after four years of illness, care and character changes – and then set out to find out what really happened. The other, a communications expert from Saxony and already in his fifties, knows that his husband is still by his side, but he is a completely different person. In January 2021, a stroke left an energetic and articulate family man severely disabled. It's important for both women to talk about what it means to lose an equal partner partnership—and how you can still move on.