“Finally normal people,” says Jörg Runge as “Dä Tuppes”. He looks at the all-female audience from the stage. ZDF presents “Kölle Alaaf – The Girls' Session” for more than two hours at the Cologne carnival on Weiberfastnacht. Runge takes aim at current issues. “Some people fail when they try to read, others ask what is a book? Still others claim that Pythagoras is a grilled dish.» The carnival speaker also sees the weaknesses that the Pisa test revealed among German students in the Bundeswehr. “Now they've gotten their act together and bought night vision equipment from Yps magazine.” The Bundeswehr has run down as much as the railways. But despite the poor performance, the railway board members even get hefty bonuses. “If decency is left aside, it can be done without much effort. Then it would be hard work, if you're lucky, the board would pay the money back.»

“All this absurdity”

“Dä Tuppes” puts a finger in the wound when rhyming. “Somehow I remember that now there is a worm in everything.” Even the weather and the weather app did what they wanted,” says the speaker of the carnival. “Before, people didn't talk about lightning all the time. Back then, everyone knew that this could happen in winter.” In general, artificial knowledge will probably lead to a decrease in intelligence. “At some point we will become immune to knowledge, and soon there will be nothing to do with intelligence,” says the man with the red clown nose. Fortunately, the carnival, which has not lost its meaning even in dark and difficult times – on the contrary. “With all the absurdity, you need future, hope and normalcy.”

Better AI than natural stupidity

Intelligence is also a topic for Ingrid Kühne. “It has to be done now, the artificial intelligence wrote the whole speech, Kühne, Ingrid!” The thing about intelligence is that you either have it or you don't realize you don't have it. On the other hand, of course: artificial intelligence is better than natural stupidity. In any case, Alex is a wonderful being. “I definitely enjoy Alexa, she knows everything, can do everything,” explains the slightly portrait lady. “When I wanted Alexa to do sports for me, she didn't do anything. But when I'm standing in the kitchen and my stomach rumbles, he orders me two kebabs online!” But the lady is obviously not afraid of eavesdropping. “Do you think someone is going to sit in the Pentagon and say, 'I'm curious to see where they misplaced the car key?' He'd give up in a day.”

Bad jokes about Indians, women and animals

Mark Metzger first excites the production manager of ZDF. The biggest mistake in recording is generally talking about the current weather. Metzger does it anyway: “I can't remember a time when we've had this much snow on Altweiber,” the comedian jokes, adding that things are probably getting hectic on the show now and they're looking to cut it down. out. Naturally, ZDF leaves everything in. It's Bullshit Thursday – you're allowed to do a lot more. So Metzger continues with three flat jokes. First: What does a kindergarten teacher say to an Indian? Don't fall, you. Second: Is a spacecraft with four astronauts unmanned? Third: what do you call a light-colored mammoth? Helmuth. Humor can be so simple. The question remains: is it still allowed to make bad jokes about Indians, women and animals these days?

Jokes at the expense of politicians always work

On this silly night, jokes at the politicians' expense are sure to get a laugh. The government came up with the idea of ​​replacing rolling heating systems, says Metzger. That's why things got very hectic in his area: there were simply no new heaters to buy. So they would have just swapped. “I myself did not participate in changing the heating system,” he reveals. “I did the math. It's cheaper than just replacing Mr. Habeck.” The duo Willi & Ernst also understand political jokes. Ernst (Markus Kirschaum) decides to go into politics. “But you don't have any program,” replies Willi (Dirk Zimmer). Ernst says, “I don't need one. I'm going to Berlin, I agree to everything, I'll see that I can get along and then I'll see how I can get the money. It's called scholzen.”